Saturday, November 15, 2008

God ironically kills married couple; "I work in mysterious ways" says deity

Husband's coffin kills woman on way to cemetery SAO PAULO, Brazil –

Police say a woman has died on the way to a cemetery when a traffic accident hurled her husband's coffin against the back of her neck. Police said 67-year old Marciana Silva Barcelos was in the front passenger seat of the hearse when the accident occurred Monday in the southern state of Rio Grande do Sul.

Barcelos died instantly.

Her 76-year-old husband Josi Silveira Coimbra died Sunday of a heart attack while dancing at a party.

The driver of hearse and Barcelos' son suffered minor injuries.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sir Cliff Richard reveals identity of his male companion

Legendary pop singer Sir Cliff Richard has revealed that he has shared his life with a former Roman Catholic priest for the last seven years.

Sir Cliff, 67, is one of the UK's best-known Christians, has been the victim of persistent rumours and innuendo about his sexuality.

In his autobiography My Life, My Way, published yesterday, the singer said he met Father John McElynn in 2001.

"He hadn't any thought at the beginning of giving up the priesthood, but when it became clear he was thinking of the possibility, I suggested he might help me with some charitable projects," he wrote.

"That was seven years ago and our arrangement has worked out really well. John now spends most of his time looking after my properties."

Sir Cliff said the former priest shares his home and has become a companion, and complained that he is dogged by questions about his sexual orientation.

"'I am sick to death of the media's speculation about it. What business is it of anyone else's what any of us are as individuals? I don't think my fans would care either way."

He has previously spoken of his support for civil partnerships.

Sir Cliff began his career in the 1950s and has scored UK number ones in every decade since.

His notoriously loyal fanbase has ensured his popularity well into his sixties - My Life, My Way is expected to be a bestseller.

Journalist Penny Junor helped him write the book, in which "Cliff is going to talk freely and frankly about what it is like to be Cliff."

Thursday, August 28, 2008

He's got the whole world in his hands..

ROME - An art museum in northern Italy said Thursday it will continue displaying a sculpture portraying a green frog nailed to a cross that has angered Pope Benedict XVI and local officials.

The board of the foundation of the Museion in the city of Bolzano voted to keep the work by the late German artist Martin Kippenberger, the museum said in a statement.

Earlier in August the pope had written a letter to Franz Pahl, the president of the Trentino-Alto Adige region that includes Bolzano, denouncing the sculpture.

It "has offended the religious feelings of many people who consider the cross a symbol of God's love and of our redemption," Pahl quoted the pope as writing in the letter.

Pahl himself has long opposed the display of "Zuerst die Fuesse" ("First the Feet" in German), even staging a hunger strike this summer and saying he would not seek re-election unless it was removed.

In a telephone interview with The Associated Press on Thursday, Pahl said he was outraged by the museum's decision to keep the work, which he claims "pokes fun at the Catholic population and offends religion and the pope."

The 1990 wooden sculpture shows the crucified frog nailed through the feet and hands like Jesus Christ. The frog, eyes popping and tongue sticking out, wears a loincloth and holds a mug of beer and an egg in its hands.

The museum said the 3-foot (1-meter) -tall sculpture has nothing to do with religion, but is an ironic self-portrait of the artist and an expression of his angst.

"With humor and a tragicomic sense, which belongs to art since the times of Greek tragedy, Kippenberger ... faces his condition of suffering, which he expresses in many works, also, for example, in a video in which he crucifies himself," the museum said in a statement.

Born in Dortmund, Kippenberger moved from painting and sculpture to work in all mediums, often combining elements of Neo-expressionism, Pop and Dadaism. His art has been displayed across the world, including Zurich, Paris, Jerusalem, London and New York.

He died in 1997, aged 43.

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In this photo taken May 24, 2008 a view of a green frog nailed to a cross outside an office, during a protest inside the 'Museion' museum in Bolzano , northern Italy. Museum officials said Thursday Aug. 28, 2008 the sculpture that has angered Pope Benedict XVI and local officials will continue to be on display. The board of the foundation of the 'Museion', voted to keep the work by the late German artist Martin Kippenberger, the museum said in a statement. Earlier in August the pope had written a letter to Franz Pahl, the president of the Trentino-Alto Adige region that includes Bolzano, denouncing the sculpture. '(It) has offended the religious feelings of many people who consider the cross a symbol of God's love and of our redemption,' (AP Photo/Othmar Seehauser)

Holy Water viewed as terrorist threat

Thu Aug 28, 12:42 PM ET

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - The Vatican has warned journalists who will travel with Pope Benedict to Lourdes next month not to put the revered water from the shrine in their hand luggage on the papal plane or it may be confiscated.


The pope will travel Sept 12-15 to Paris and the site in southern France where the Madonna is said to have appeared to a peasant girl, Bernadette Soubirous, 150 years ago.

The millions of pilgrims who visit the shrine each year drink from its fonts, many believing its water to be potentially miraculous and healing. Most take bottles of it away with them.

"In order to avoid their confiscation during security controls at the airport, Air France recommends putting any bottles of Lourdes water in baggage what will go into the hold of the plane," a Vatican advisory to reporters said.

While the water from Lourdes is not strictly considered "holy" -- holy water is found in churches and must be blessed by a priest -- many websites about Lourdes describe it as "holy."

Security measures limiting liquids allowed in carry-on baggage have been in effect since 2006 when a plot to bring down planes with liquid explosives was discovered.
Thu Aug 28, 12:42 PM ET

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - The Vatican has warned journalists who will travel with Pope Benedict to Lourdes next month not to put the revered water from the shrine in their hand luggage on the papal plane or it may be confiscated.


The pope will travel Sept 12-15 to Paris and the site in southern France where the Madonna is said to have appeared to a peasant girl, Bernadette Soubirous, 150 years ago.

The millions of pilgrims who visit the shrine each year drink from its fonts, many believing its water to be potentially miraculous and healing. Most take bottles of it away with them.

"In order to avoid their confiscation during security controls at the airport, Air France recommends putting any bottles of Lourdes water in baggage what will go into the hold of the plane," a Vatican advisory to reporters said.

While the water from Lourdes is not strictly considered "holy" -- holy water is found in churches and must be blessed by a priest -- many websites about Lourdes describe it as "holy."

Security measures limiting liquids allowed in carry-on baggage have been in effect since 2006 when a plot to bring down planes with liquid explosives was discovered.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dear Jesus..

What do Americans with no health insurance do when they get cancer?
Thank you,
Jenny

Dear Jenny,
The general consensus among Americans is that people shouldn't get diseases they can't afford. Your welcome.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I got this email:

Dear Jesus,

I am an American first and an avid reader second. As your are probably aware, in America nothing we do is our fault, it is someone else’s fault, and my recent relapse into strippers, cocaine, and alcohol can only be the result of one thing: your blog (or whatever the hell its called). Therefore, I am doing the American thing and suing your for something, I haven’t figured out what yet because I am a little high right now, but trust me, I will be looking for compensation.

Dear Person,

Considering you are an American, I was impressed to see that you knew how to write and use email. Someone told me that 40 percent of Americans are illiterate and I thought those were the people coming to the site.

Drugs, alcohol and strippers don’t lead to a productive life to society, Congrats on your new found life, because it sounds fun.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dr Drew.. help Rachid Taha.

Photobucket
An open letter to Dr. Drew...


For a while now, TSJ has been digging the trance-like Algerian tunes of Rachid Taha.

But lately.. well see for yourself Dr. Drew, Rachid is having problems concentrating at work, and has resorted to passing out on stage.



What can be done to help this otherwise talented Algerian French guy?

"After the three first songs press wasn´t allowed to shoot photos etc. Let´s party, he said. He did, for sure. The concert ended in public booing because of Rachid Taha being so drunk and stoned."

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Annie Leibovitz and her child porn ways...

I have to say that Jesus was a bit shocked when viewing the photo Annie Leibovitz did of a young Scarlett Johanson earlier this year but now, The Smoking Jesus believes that Ms. Leibovitz has gone too far with the "getting the young girls naked so she can take their picture" concept. Jesus is kinda grossed out Annie. The photo's aren't that great either.





Sunday, March 30, 2008

Woman auctions cross shaped fish sticks on eBay



A woman in Elyria, Ohio, is selling fish sticks on eBay, claiming she found crosses in them as a sign from God honoring Holy Week, a report said.

Victoria Landis said she couldn't find it in her heart to cook the store-bought fish sticks after seeing in them what she believes is a Holy sign, WEWS-TV in Cleveland reported.

"I went to cook them one day and I poured them out into the pan and there were three kind of fused together in a way that made three mini crosses, and the way they fell on the pan it looked just like the hill where Jesus was crucified," Landis said.

Landis decided to auction them off in an effort to raise money for a family van.

EBay has a policy against selling food items, however.

What an Elyria woman billed as "Good Friday Miracle Fish Sticks" have sold for about $79 on eBay.

Victoria Landis said in one box of frozen fish sticks, she found pairs stuck together like three crosses. Landis said they looked just like the familiar image of the crosses on Calvary Hill when Jesus was crucified.

"I went to cook them one day and I poured them out into the pan and there were three kind of fused together in a way that made three mini crosses, and the way they fell on the pan it looked just like the hill where Jesus was crucified," said Landis.

She put the fish sticks back in the freezer and got them out several days ago to post on eBay in hopes of raising money for the new family van she's been praying for.

"As a blended family of nine people, we have a lot of transportation issues because we don't have a car big enough to hold us all, and I had been praying for a long time for God to provide a way for us to get a new van," said Landis. "I kind of want to work with what He gave me here in these fish sticks … and I could turn them into a van for us."

The auction ended Thursday morning. Landis explains that the price includes the expected high cost of next-day shipping in five pounds of dry ice, so the unidentified buyer will have the fish sticks while it's still Holy Week.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Missing NY rev. found at Ohio strip club

RIVERSIDE — A pastor reported missing after he left his Lewiston, N.Y., home on Wednesday to go to Best Buy was found in a Riverside strip club 422 miles away on Friday, March 28.

A Riverside officer patrolling the lot at K.C. Lounge, 4766 Airway Road, at about 12:40 a.m. noticed an out-of-state license plate, according to reports. The officer discovered the owner, Craig S. Rhodenizer, 46, was listed as a missing and possibly endangered, and sought by the Niagara County Sheriff's Department and the FBI.

Lyndonville Pastor Craig Rhodenizer, missing since Wednesday, was found early Friday morning, hundreds of miles away, inside a strip club in Riverside, Ohio which is just outside of Dayton.

Rhodenizer, the pastor of St. John's Lutheran Church in Lyndonville, N.Y., told his wife he was going to get his computer fixed at Best Buy on Wednesday.

Rhodenizer was coherent when police approached him.

"He initially was very easy to talk to," Detective Matt Sturgeon said. "When he started to realize there was a nationwide search and this was serious, there was an instantaneous switch and he became extremely disoriented and confused."

He said he didn't know why he came to Riverside nor did he know anyone here. He then asked about his wife and son and said he didn't know what day it was. When medics asked if he felt any pain, he said he felt "emotionally guilty."

Sturgeon said Rhodenizer was taken to Grandview Hospital for a 48-hour psychiatric evaluation.

The report said Rhodenizer was in the club for two hours and drank three or four beers. One dancer said he paid for three or four private dances. She claimed he became verbally aggressive when he offered to pay her to return to his motel room with him and she refused.

She also said he wouldn't tell her where he was from, but did say he "hadn't been in a strip club for over 20 years and it was about time he was in one again."

Police contacted Rhodenizer's wife, Susan, and the Niagara County Sheriff's Department. The department asked Riverside officers to impound Rhodenizer's Toyota Camry and take possession of a computer, which was found with a bottle of Bacardi and an empty gallon bottle of gin.

Vicar Offers Stress Relief

BERLIN (Reuters) - A vicar in Germany who had the novel idea of helping parishioners escape the stresses and strains of daily life by letting them lie in an open grave was upset when intrusive journalists spoiled the atmosphere.

"I meant it as a meditative exercise," pastor Thorsten Nolting told Reuters. "I wanted people to think about what weighs on them down in the darkness and gather the energy to resist it."

Nolting, from the western German city of Duesseldorf, said his plan went "horribly wrong" when journalists' persistent questioning as parishioners were "laid to rest" earlier this week ruined the serenity of the occasion.

"It wasn't silent, as it should have been. They ruined it. (They) would not go away, even when I asked them," he said.

Extraverts who could cope with the incessant questioning were happy to climb down into the two meter long hole, and then rave about their "resurrection," Nolting said.

But a local newspaper said one man was still shaking, 20 minutes after his seven-minute spell in the dank grave ended.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Pope baptizes famous Muslim convert

One of the seven adults the Pope baptized on Saturday night was Magdi Allam, 55, an Egyptian-born journalist who, as deputy director of the leading newspaper Corriere della Sera, is one of Italy's best-known intellectuals.

Allam, a fierce critic of Islamic extremism and a strong supporter of Israel, is protected by a police escort because of threats he has received.

Poignant that the guy has to have bodyguards during his baptism. It recalls the early days of Rome.

Wife-Beatin' Bishop to Preach on Easter

Georgia Bishop Thomas W. Weeks, who gave his televangelist wife Juanita Bynum an almighty beating in an Atlanta parking lot last August, will perform Easter Sunday services tomorrow.

According to the police report, Bynum said that Weeks "choked her, pushed her down, kicked and stomped her," and "continued stomping" her into the ground. He also threatened to kill his estranged wife.

Bishop Weeks and Bynum
Since choking, pushing and kicking his soon-to-be ex, Weeks has apologized to Bynum and his congregation for his fist-filled rage. According to the ajc.com, Weeks will be back at the pulpit preaching on Sunday.

It's almost guaranteed no one will be caught talking during Weeks' Easter sermon.

Friday, March 21, 2008

What is Easter?


Easter, unbeknownst to man, is when Christ emerged from his tomb, saw his shadow and declared 6 more weeks of winter.

Shhhhhhhhhhhh


On Good Friday, you must observe silence between the hours of 12:00 - 3:00.

Shhhhhhh, Jesus is dying out there!

Mercy, dude looks like a lady.

God's cure for gays lost in sin

Former residents say separation contracts, a ban on physical contact and teachings by an 'ex-gay' are part of Mercy Ministry's attempts to stamp out homosexuality in its flock.

Sy Rogers … no longer gay.

Sy Rogers … no longer gay.

Thank Good its Friday (yeah)

Dear Smoking Jesus, I was reading in the paper today about a school that had decided to make Good Friday (today) a school day, overturning past tradition. Some Catholic parents objected, saying they had to take the kids to church, but isn't Good Friday the ONE day of the year there is no Mass?


TSJ says, "It's Stations of the Cross on Good Friday, my friend. Be prepared for a 3 hour long service at least."

Challenge: Post the Weirdest Album Cover

I already win!



Rev.Alberta Baker
I originally started posting records like these on my site to try and illustrate the kind of oddities I was running into in thrift stores. Christian records had to be included because here in the U.S., you never spend a day thrifting without running into at least one curious example of them.

The do-it-yourself Christian record was a huge trend in the '60s and '70s and every small town artist with something to say got into the act. Most were pressed in limited quantities specifically for friends and family and many never got further than their own home town borders. The vast majority of these are traditional Gospel LPs and not of interest to me. Others displaying foreign-to-me cultural values, opinions and ideas tend to capture my attention.

The album featured here by organist Alberta Baker is part of a larger trend of disabled artists producing music and releasing albums during this period.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

A Secret Revealed

The following audio clip is shocking, even to Jesus



*Update: The lawyers who advise Jesus from time to time have suggested that Jesus remove this clip for the time being.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

He's got a get well card to deliver

and he is going to do it by hand. Cuz maybe it's YOU in your four post bed sound asleep but still grinding your teeth.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

God just left a voicemail for Sally Kern

kernnn__opt1.jpg

The truth always comes out!!!!

As it should happen to be…

The homophobic Republican hatemonger from Oklahoma has a gay son!!!!

That's right, Sally Kern's son Jesse is a big ol' homo.

We're sure he's REAL PROUD of mommy!

And, it has also been revealed that Good Ol' Sally has lied about receiving death threats.

Thank you Perez for bringing this to the attention of Jesus.

**UPDATE**
This just in... Ellen DeGeneres

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Friday, February 8, 2008

Jesus endorses this message...

Although the chorus sounds a bit too much like the one written years ago by the young brothers HANSON (also posted below for your comparing pleasure)





(for chorus purposes only)

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Ash Wednesday is tomorrow

It's a wonderful way to walk around town letting everyone know "LOOK! LOOK AT ME! I'M MORE HOLY THAN YOU!" without the inconvenience of holding a poisonous snake.

-- Sister Drama Perpetia

Saturday, February 2, 2008

God Pages Nurse Vining to Heaven

Shell KeplerShell Kepler, who played nurse Amy Vining on "General Hospital" for more than 20 years, died yesterday in Portland, Ore. Paging Dr. Quartermaine!

According to the Medical Examiner's office, Kepler died of renal failure.

After her stint on "General Hospital" ended, Kepler moved to Portland and got involved in charity fundraising.

IMDb says she was 46, God says she was 49.

Yes You Can Can



The Pointer Sisters did that song in the 70's Mr. Obama...


Friday, February 1, 2008

Priest removed for child porn

(Jesus loves the part where Caskey states that he hadn't done anything like this in many years)

ST. CLOUD, Minn. (AP) - A Roman Catholic priest in the St. Cloud diocese was barred from all priestly functions Thursday after he was charged with possessing child pornography.

The Rev. John Caskey, 53, of St. Cloud, was charged Wednesday in Stevens County District Court with 20 counts of possessing child pornography. Authorities said numerous images of child pornography were found on his home computer, mostly depicting boys.

Bishop John Kinney said in a news release that he immediately removed Caskey from all priestly duties after he learned of the charges by reading about them on the Morris Sun Tribune's Web site.

"I was taken by surprise by these allegations," Kinney said. "I have not received any complaints in the past about Fr. Caskey from any of the parishes he has served, nor have I had any information that would cause me to be concerned."

Caskey had not worked in active ministry since December. He resigned his posts at churches in Morris, Chokio and Herman after Kinney learned Caskey had sent an inappropriate letter to someone.

Court documents said multiple "obscene and suggestive" letters were sent anonymously to an 18-year-old male. In November, during the investigation into the letters, Caskey allowed police to search his home and office computers.

Caskey admitted that he sent the letter but said that he "hadn't done anything like this in many years," the complaint said.

"Consumers of child pornography ruin kids' lives," Stevens County Attorney Charles Glasrud said.

Caskey appeared in court Thursday and was released. Glasrud said conditions of his release include no unsupervised contact with anyone under 18, no access to a computer and no pornography.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

repeat after me..



We don't need no stinkin' healthcare.

medamned = wtf??

Flipflop footprints in the sand...

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to him and the other to the LORD, wearing flipflops with a less-than sensible heel.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "Because those are the times I made you pull my fucking rickshaw, you stupid, whiny mortal. Now, stop asking me so much medamned questions!"

editor's note: this does not apply to the hot sands of Darfur.

Mental Breakdowns and God.. again. This time it's not Monsignor John Urell. Does Southdown take Canadian pilots?

The co-pilot of a Heathrow-bound plane was dragged kicking and screaming from the cockpit after suffering a mental breakdown while in control of the flight.

He began yelling and "invoking God" as the Air Canada 767 flew at 37,000 feet over the Atlantic. He was held down by other crew members and a passenger, a member of the Canadian armed forces.

The co-pilot then had restraints fastened to his wrists and ankles and was handcuffed to a seat. The flight from Toronto made an emergency landing in Shannon and the co-pilot, who had been crying and screaming according to witnesses, was taken off the plane.

He was taken by ambulance to a psychiatric ward where he is being treated for a suspected nervous breakdown.

The 146 passengers on the overnight flight continued their journey and got to Heathrow eight hours behind schedule after the drama on Monday. Passenger Sean Finucane told of his shock as he witnessed the co-pilot being carried out of the cockpit in restraints.

He said today: "He was very, very distraught. He was yelling loudly at times. When they tried to put his shoes on later he swore and he threatened people. His voice was clear so he didn't sound drunk or anything. He was swearing and was very distressed."

Mr Finucane, from Lancashire, told how the pilot kept shouting:

"I need to talk to you God."

He described how passengers watched a crew member and the soldier carry the co-pilot out of the cockpit, through first class and into economy. The co-pilot then intermittently yelled obscenities and sobbed.

Emergency landing: Shannon Airport, Ireland (File picture)

Another passenger, writing on the flyertalk website, wrote: "It was quite an experience! He [the co-pilot] was being restrained in 12A, but that entire minicabin could hear the whole thing. Not for delicate ears. The soldier and the doctors [who were passengers] were great."

Irish newspapers reported today that the co-pilot was "acting in a peculiar manner and talking loudly to himself".

Fifteen minutes after the first officer was removed from the controls, Flight AC 848 made an unscheduled landing at Shannon airport. The plane had been due to arrive at Heathrow at 8.25am on Monday.

Air Canada today insisted passengers' lives were never at risk.

Peter Fitzpatrick, an Air Canada spokesman, said today: "The co-pilot fell ill during the flight and the captain elected to divert. The aircraft landed without incident. At no time were the safety of the passengers or crew in question." He refused to be drawn on whether the pilot had suffered a breakdown.

A spokeswoman for Transport Canada, the body in charge of national aviation, said commercial pilots must have medical check-ups every six months.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

The Origins of Christianity

This is it folks.. read it and weep.

part one:



part two:


part three:

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Sorrowful Life of William Lobdell



I am crying as I type this...

Mr. Lobdell , a LA Times journalist, lost his faith a while back and he wants you all to know. (beware the creepy graphics) In an effort to cash in upon his sorrow, he is in the process of penning a book, because sometimes 5 years of articles just aint enough. Oh, and there is a testimonial page also, so leave your seemingly worthless prayers there for him.

WILLIAMLOBDELL.COM

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

God is not happy with the constitution.

capt703462831ce34a6187ac47be13f61d51huckabee_aids_wx113__opt.jpg

Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee wants to change the constitution.

Why?

Because "God" is not happy with it.

"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution," Huckabee told a Michigan audience on Monday. "But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."

Huckabee also wants to amend the Constitution to prevent children born in the U.S. to illegal aliens from automatically becoming American citizens - a radical step no other major presidential candidate has embraced.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Ask TSJ: Pope John Paul I

Question: I don't remember a lot about him except that he seemed like a very nice man. Why would the Vatican have wanted him out, assuming there's something to the assassination rumors? Was he theologically liberal?

Answer: Hey got old, sick and died Nobody knocked him off.

Better now?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Tony Blair converts to Catholicism

LONDON (Reuters) - Former British prime minister Tony Blair has converted from Britain's established church, Anglicanism, to Roman Catholicism, the head of Britain's Catholics said on Saturday.Blair, whose wife and four children are Catholic, was received into the Catholic Church by Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor on Friday in a move that had been widely expected after he stepped down from power in June.

"I am very glad to welcome Tony Blair into the Catholic Church," Murphy-O'Connor said in a statement, adding the conversion took place in private at a chapel at the cardinal's residence in central London.

"For a long time he has been a regular worshipper at Mass with his family and in recent months he has been following a program of formation to prepare for his reception into full communion.

"My prayers are with him, his wife and family at this joyful moment in their journey of faith together."

Blair, now the Middle East peace envoy, had private talks with Pope Benedict at the Vatican in June and his conversion had been predicted.

He has been receiving spiritual preparation for the conversion from Mark O'Toole, Murphy-O'Connor's private secretary. Blair's spokesman declined to comment on the announcement, saying it was a private matter.

Last month Blair, who was reticent about his faith during his 10 years in power, said religion was "hugely important" for him.

"You know you can't have a religious faith and it be an insignificant aspect because it's, it's profound about you and about you as a human being," he said in a BBC documentary.

But he added that, while politicians could speak about religious faith in the United States, it was difficult to do so in Britain because "frankly people do think you are a nutter (crazy)."

When once pressed in an interview about his beliefs, his then press spokesman Alastair Campbell famously interrupted and said: "We don't do God."

Political commentators have also suggested Blair had been unwilling to make the move while he was still in power because some lawyers believed that 19th century laws could actually prevent a Catholic from becoming prime minister.

It was also thought a conversion could have provoked a conflict with his role in appointing Anglican bishops and he might have also felt the need to tread carefully while mediating in the Northern Ireland peace process between the province's Catholic and Protestant communities.

European Union Trade Commissioner and political confidant Peter Mandelson said Blair was "not an exhibitionist" about religion but was "a man who takes a Bible with him wherever he goes and last thing at night he will read from the Bible."

However Ann Widdecombe, an opposition Conservative member of parliament who converted to Catholicism herself, said Blair would have had to have changed his mind on a number of issues such as abortion and civil partnerships for gay couples.

"If you look at Tony Blair's voting record in the House of Commons, he's gone against church teaching on more than one occasion on things for example like abortion," she told the BBC.

"Unless Tony Blair actually says (he had it wrong before) then I think a lot of people are going to feel exceptions have been made because of who he is."

Friday, December 21, 2007

Ask TSJ: The Trinity

Can someone please explain to me the difference between these three? Are they the same being? Or are they distinct? WTF?

Father Peter answers: I would first forward you to the Athanasian Creed which I'm not gonna print here because its long but just to be clear, the word 'trinity' never appears in the Bible anywhere, nor is it ever mentioned or discussed directly. The "Trinity" concept was invented because Jesus is rather specific in saying He is not God Almighty in several places in the Gospels.

This, of course, presented a problem to former Jews who like to think they only worship one god.

So, God and Jesus were amalgamated.

This, however, led to unfortunate consequences like when Jesus is depicted as praying to Himself, an undertaking that suggests appalling mental health.

Think of it like the Supremes:
The Father - Diana Ross, always the most important
The Son - Flo Ballard, the one that was sacrificed
The Spirit - Mary Wilson, the one still with us

Look, christianity is a mish mash of judaism and paganism. They borrowed from various mythologies including egyptian, greek, persian, etc. added a dollop of judaism and came up with the gobbledy-gook people call christianity. The unwashed masses were basically illiterate and uneducated so they weren't too interested in asking too many questions about this nonsense. If you ask them to explain it to you they'll usually say 'it's a mystery', which really means 'I've got no fucking clue'. Don't try and make sense of nonsense.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

God Hates The World

If by the world, you mean the members of Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka,Kansas.. then yes he does.

The Archbishop of Canterbury said yesterday that the Christmas story of the Three Wise Men was nothing but a 'legend'.


Dr Rowan Williams has claimed there was little evidence that the Magi even existed and there was certainly nothing to prove there were three of them or that they were kings.

Dr Williams argued that the traditional Christmas story was nothing but a 'legend'
He said the only reference to the wise men from the East was in Matthew's gospel and the details were very vague. Dr Williams said: "Matthew's gospel says they are astrologers, wise men, priests from somewhere outside the Roman Empire, that's all we're really told. It works quite well as legend."

Transcript: Archbishop's interview with Simon MayoDamian Thompson: Another of Rowan Williams' own goalsMidnight mass at 8pm to fool drunks


The Archbishop went on to dispel other details of the Christmas story, adding that there were probably no asses or oxen in the stable.


He argued that Christmas cards which showed the Virgin Mary cradling the baby Jesus, flanked by shepherds and wise men, were misleading. As for the scenes that depicted snow falling in Bethlehem, the Archbishop said the chance of this was "very unlikely".
In a final blow to the traditional nativity story, Dr Williams concluded that Jesus was probably not born in December at all. He said: "Christmas was when it was because it fitted well with the winter festival."

His comments came during an interview on BBC Radio 5 Live with Simon Mayo yesterday. Later on in the show, the Archbishop was challenged by fellow guest Ricky Gervais, the comedian, about the credibility of the Christmas story.


Gervais told Dr Williams he was concerned about "brainwashing" of children who are sent to faith schools at an early age, comparing teaching that God exists to belief in Father Christmas.
Dr Williams said faith schools expose children to the full range of human experience and values and he did not believe they indoctrinated people.

A Naked Priest Running Down The Street You Say?


A Catholic priest charged with indecent exposure after being accused of jogging naked in the pre-dawn darkness has pleaded not guilty and asked for a jury trial.

The Rev. Robert Whipkey was arrested June 22 in Frederick, about 25 miles north of Denver, after an officer saw him walking on a street naked at 4:35 a.m. Whipkey told police he jogged naked because he sweats profusely if he wears clothing, according an arrest report.

Whipkey did not speak at a hearing Tuesday, and neither he nor his attorneys would comment afterward. His trial is scheduled for March.

Whipkey served parishes in Frederick, Mead and Erie but was placed on administrative leave by the Archdiocese of Denver in August.

The archdiocese said Whipkey was investigated for "inappropriate personal behavior" more than eight years ago when he was a pastor in Sterling. The archdiocese said that incident did not involve "physical or sexual contact with another individual," but it gave no other details.

From our sister, Saint Dar of the Hudson.

Giving Best Western its props

Ok, so it seems that Best Western is upset with my Travelodge post below, so in solidarity with the ole BW, I give you Saint Richard Shindell, my friend.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"When fascism comes to this country, it’ll be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross."

Jesus lost his remote and is stuck on FOX News forever.


Monsignor John Urell Speaks Via Church Bulletin

Posted by Gustavo Arellano in Ex Cathedra


Whatever happened to Monsignor John Urell, the pastor of St. Norbert's Catholic Church in Orange and the longtime keeper of secrets in the Orange diocese sex-abuse scandal. Today, a St. Norbert's parishioner faxed us an update: Urell spoke to his flock this past weekend through the wonders of a church bulletin*.


In it, Urell thanks his supporters for "the many notes that have come to me, usually just at the right time when encouragement was needed." The Orange County native revealed that he had suffered from "psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual turmoil...the last number of years" and told the faithful to await his return "within the first quarter of the new year." Urell also reveals a spiritual insight: his time at the Southdown Institue for an acute anxiety disorder has reminded the padre to "pray for, in a special way, all those who suffer from anxiety and depression." It's his politically correct way of mentioning what got him sent away in the first place: his role in THE BLOODY SEX ABUSE SCANDAL THAT HE WON'T EVEN MENTION BECAUSE HE'S TOO MUCH OF A *&$#%^ COWARD TO GO AGAINST BISHOP TOD BROWN. Sorry, where were we? Merry Christmas to all, and good night!

*We'd post the bulletin, but Gustavo doesn't know how to link in any .pdf's...

T.G.I.F. Saint Gregory, TGIF

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian court has ruled that a couple could not name their son "Friday" and ordered that he instead be called Gregory after the saint whose feast day he was born on.

"I think it is ridiculous they even opened a case about it," the family's lawyer, Paola Rossi, told Reuters by telephone from the northern city of Genoa Tuesday.

Friday/Gregory Germano was born in Genoa 15 months ago. The parents registered him as Friday in the city hall and a priest even baptized him as Friday -- unusual in Italy since many priests insist that first names be of Christian origin.

"We named him Friday because we like the sound of the name. Even if it would have been a girl, we would have named her Friday," the boy's mother, Mara Germano, told Reuters.

When the boy was about five months old, a city hall clerk brought the odd name to the attention of a tribunal, which informed the couple of an administrative norm which bars parents from giving "ridiculous or shameful" first names to children.

The tribunal said it was protecting the child from being the butt of jokes and added that it believed the name would hinder him from developing "serene interpersonal relationships."

The Germano family appealed but lost their case this month and the story was carried on the front page of a national newspaper Tuesday.

When ordered to change the name, the parents refused and the court ruled the boy would be legally registered as Gregory because he was born on that saint's feast day.

"I really doubt this would have happened to the child of parents who are rich and famous," the boy's mother told Reuters, recalling that some famous Italians had given their children unorthodox names such as "Ocean" or "Chanel."

The appeals court ruled against Friday because it recalled the servile savage in Daniel Defoe's novel Robinson Crusoe and because superstitious Italians consider Friday an unlucky day.

"I am livid about this," the boy's mother said. "A court should not waste its time with things like this when there is so much more to worry about."

"My son was born Friday, baptized Friday, will call himself Friday, we will call him Friday but when he gets older he will have to sign his name Gregory," she said.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Talking Jesus Action Figure Sells Out At Walmart (empty tomb sold seperately)

talkingjesuschrist.jpgIf you were planning on getting a Talking Jesus Action Figure this Christmas (or whatever) you're almost out of luck. Walmart has completely sold out of the toy and Target.com has "very limited supply," according to the manufacturer's spokesperson, Joshua Livingston.

"We feel blessed that the toys are now in the hands of thousands of children, teaching them the word of God. We knew that the toys would make great Christmas gifts, but to see them sell so well before the Christmas buying season begins proves that parents want alternatives in the toy aisle," says Livingston.

It may also prove that goth kids still buy gag gifts, but we don't want to hurt Mr. Livingston's feelings or anything.

Bye Bye Ike


Ike Turner has passed away.

He died in his sleep on Tuesday night.

He will best be remembered as a wife beater and a drug addict.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Jesus switches to the Travelodge

I used to be a Best Western kinda guy, but I ain't no mo! A hotel chain Tuesday said it was offering couples called Joseph and Mary in Britain, Ireland and Spain free accommodation this Christmas on proof of marriage and name.

Hotel chain Travelodge said husbands and wives matching their criteria would get a night's stay on the house, but with more home comforts than the humble stable of the Christian Nativity story.

The offer, appropriately, runs between Christmas Eve (December 24) to Twelfth Night (January 5, 2008).

"The phrase 'no room at the inn' is something that resonates with us in the hotel business," said Travelodge operations director Jason Cotta.

"Therefore this year we have decided to evoke the true spirit of Christmas and invite Mary and Joseph couples as our guests."

A Travelodge spokeswoman told AFP couples will have to be married and provide proof of identity and register their names at a special e-mail address.

Where is John Urell you ask?



Saint Gustavo of Orange County asks a concerning question, "where for art thou, John Urell"
in his recent blog post in the OC Weekly.

Well, the truth is that he's a televangelist on Channel 40 in Toronto now, broadcasting from a corner of his room at Southdown. Anyone get their Southdown Christmas card yet?

.. touch the screen damn it. TOUCH THE SCREEN!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Catholic Navy Chaplain to Plead to Sex Charges

WASHINGTON (AP) - A former Navy chaplain plans to plead guilty to allegations that include forcible sodomy and failing to tell a sex partner he was HIV-positive, his attorney said Wednesday.

Lt. Cmdr. John Thomas Matthew Lee was to enter the plea Thursday at his court-martial at Marine Corps Base Quantico in northern Virginia, his attorney, David Sheldon, said.

Lee, 42, plans to plead guilty to forcible sodomy, aggravated assault and other charges, Sheldon said. Military law defines failing to inform a partner of a person's HIV status as aggravated assault, he said.

"He's extremely apologetic and remorseful, both as a chaplain and as a naval officer," Sheldon said.

Lee was ordained as a priest in 1993 and began serving as a military chaplain in 1996, said Julia Rota, a spokeswoman for the Archdiocese of the Military Services, which oversees Catholic priests in the military. His faculties to function as a priest were revoked in June, after an accuser came forward, Rota said.

Military officials have not said whether any accusers were infected with HIV.

Lee served at the Naval Academy from September 2003 until November 2006, when he was reassigned to Quantico. He was relieved of his duties in June.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

former Catholic priest has been indicted on federal child pornography charges

Bernie Ward, a popular San Francisco radio talk show host and former Catholic priest, has been indicted on federal child pornography charges, authorities said today.

Ward, 56, surrendered to federal authorities earlier today but the specifics of the allegations against him are under seal, officials said.

Ward hosts a nightly news talk program on KGO 810 AM as well as GodTalk on Sundays. He had been a priest with the Society of the Precious Blood order.

The radio station's Web site said that he was indicted on two counts of child pornography using the Internet.

Ward's attorney said today that the charges are based on incidents that occurred more than four years ago and were part of research for a book.

"As everybody knows, Bernie, for over 20 years, has been a progressive, opposed to insensitive authority - he has been a champion of charities, nonprofits for the homeless," said Doron Weinberg, who appeared in federal court today as Ward's lawyer.

"More than three years ago, Bernie was doing research for a book he was doing on hypocrisy in America," Weinberg said.

As part of the research, Ward downloaded "a few images" of child pornography, and, Weinberg said, "it came to the attention of the government in late 2004."

"They investigated and they never found any involvement in child pornography other than this period that he accessed these images," Weinberg said. "The government knows that Bernie was doing this for an investigation he was doing for a book. But the government believes he violated the letter of the law and they have gone ahead and prosecuted him."

Weinberg stressed that "the fact that these events happened three years ago and they are just being prosecuted shows the fact that nobody believes that he is a child predator."

"He is just being prosecuted for a mistake he made (more than) three years ago," the lawyer said.

Federal authorities seized Ward's computer in early 2005 and there was no evidence of child pornography or any other impropriety, Weinberg added.

"We have been trying to convince the government that this is not something they should proceed with. They said, 'He violated the law, sorry.' "

A statement from KGO's operations director said, "Ward has been a valued, long-time employee of KGO Radio. We were just recently made aware of these serious charges and are surprised and concerned by their nature.

"As the matter is currently pending in federal court, we will have no additional comment at this time."

E-mail Jaxon Van Derbeken at jvanderbeken@sfchronicle.com.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

No Red Bull for baby Jesus

ROME (Reuters) - An angry Italian priest has persuaded soft drinks company Red Bull to withdraw an advertisement setting its product in a nativity scene on the grounds it is disrespectful to Christianity.

Father Marco Damanti, from Sicily, wrote to the makers of the caffeinated energy drink denouncing their commercial as "a blasphemous act" and said on Monday he had received a prompt reply promising to remove it from Italian television.

The advert depicted four wise men, instead of three, visiting Mary and the Baby Jesus in Bethlehem. The fourth wise man bore a can of the soft drink.

"The image of the sacred family has been represented in a sacrilegious way," Father Damanti told Corriere della Sera. "Whatever the ironic intentions of Red Bull, the advert pokes fun at the nativity, and at Christian sensitivity."

The priest also objected to the company's slogan, "Red Bull gives you wings," said by angels in the animated advert.

The commercial is by no means the first to fall foul of Italian religious sensibilities. Sony, fashion house Marithe et Francois Girbaud, and pop singer Madonna are among those whose adverts have been banned on the grounds of religion.

(Reporting by Liz Rusbridger; Editing by Sophie Walker)

Calling for boycott... anti-Christian undertones in a film!

Remember what happened with Harry Potter? Well, in order to bypass that whole scene again Christian groups are calling for a boycott of Nicole Kidman’s new film, The Golden Compass.
The movie is based on the book The Northern Lights by British author Philip Pullman, which is anti-religious and against organized faith.

Even though filmmakers are claiming any anti-Christian undertones have been removed from the movie, the Catholic League and others are worried that kids will be inspired to buy the book and are urging parents to keep them away from it.

It will make Nicole Kidman sad, but spread the word anyway.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Attorneys drop request for contempt citation against Bishop Tod Brown, but plaintiffs and diocese disagree on why

“Shock and disbelief”

The Smoking Jesus isn't sure who he should shoot over this. If it is true that Lawyer John Manly decided to not pursue the citation, then I have to pick him as the "WWJS" pick of the week.

Plaintiffs’ attorneys in several sex-abuse cases recently settled out of court by the Diocese of Orange have decided not to pursue a contempt-of-court citation against Bishop Tod Brown, but say the diocese coerced their decision.

Msgr. John Urell, former Orange diocesan chancellor under Bishop Norman McFarland, was deposed in July in one of the cases. He became so upset by questions about his handling of sex-abuse complaints as chancellor that he walked out of his unfinished deposition, crying. Later it was learned that Bishop Brown had agreed to send Urell to the Southdown Institute near Toronto, Canada, for treatment of an emotional condition.

In a Sept. 10 deposition, Brown said that he had decided to send Urell to Southdown at the suggestion of Urell’s doctors and attorney. Brown said he did not know specifically what Urell was being treated for.

The diocese’s lawyer, Peter M. Callahan, has said that even plaintiffs’ lawyers agreed that, after Urell’s breakdown in July, the deposition did not need to continue. Instead, they would rely on what Urell had said thus far and on four days of deposition he had given in an earlier lawsuit. “It was only when a plaintiff’s lawyer learned that Monsignor Urell had gone to Canada for treatment that the priest suddenly became ‘a critical witness,’” Callahan said in the November Orange County Catholic, the diocesan newspaper.

Plaintiffs’ lawyers sought a contempt citation against Brown, alleging that he had sent Urell to Canada to keep him from testifying in the sex-abuse trial. In September, Brown testified that he had no idea Urell would be called as a witness in an upcoming trial.

Plaintiffs’ attorneys had planned to question Urell because, as chancellor, he had handled abuse allegations, said the Nov. 29 Los Angeles Times. Callahan, however, said in the Orange County Catholic that Urell “had no legitimate involvement” in the Mater Dei case at all. In fact, said Callahan, as chancellor, Urell “had very little involvement in claims of wrongdoing involving lay personnel.”

The diocese settled with the four alleged victims for $6.885 million. As part of the settlement, plaintiffs dropped efforts to obtain the contempt-of-court citation against Brown. Proceedings for the citation were to begin last month but had been postponed until Dec. 3.

Plaintiffs’ lawyer John Manly, however, claims the diocese pressured his clients to drop the citation. "The diocese insisted that it be done this way or they would have refused to pay our clients," Manly told the Times. But Callahan said the court dropped the contempt case because “it was a totally malicious and non-meritorious claim.” A statement by the diocese said "removal of the citation was not a prerequisite for settlement.”

Manly’s office replied, "This is simply untrue," the Times reported. "The victims wish to express shock and disbelief that Bishop Tod Brown… would attempt to mislead the public once again…"


READER COMMENTS

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Posted Monday, December 03, 2007 5:24 AM By kurt gladsky
This doesn't suprise me a bit. In Baltimore, Cardinal Keeler sent Fr. A. Joseph Maskell to Ireland just minutes before the Baltimore city police were to arrest Maskell for the first degree murder of Joyce Malecki and Sr. Cathy Cesnick. When I asked cardinal Keeler why he thought he could ignore the law and get away with it Keeler said: " We were after him {Maskell} to change his ways,but he just wouldn't." Kurt Gladsky, Baltimore SNAP

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Contempt citation against O.C. bishop dropped

By David Haldane, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer



A contempt-of-court citation against the Roman Catholic bishop Tod Brown of Orange County has been dropped as part of a nearly $7-million sexual abuse settlement, attorneys said Wednesday. But the opposing sides disagreed over what led to the action. Lawyers for the four women allegedly molested by Catholic school and parish employees said the diocese forced them to drop their bid for the citation.

"The diocese insisted that it be done this way or they would have refused to pay our clients," said John Manly, a spokesman for the women. But Peter Callahan, an attorney for the diocese, said the contempt case was dismissed by the court because it lacked merit. "I would have welcomed the opportunity to present our case in open court," he said. "It was a totally malicious and non-meritorious claim. "The plaintiffs' lawsuits said they were molested by two Mater Dei High School faculty members, a Santa Margarita Catholic High School teacher and a choir director at St. Timothy's and St. Edward's parishes. The contempt citation had been requested by the accusers' attorneys after Brown sent an associate, Msgr. John Urell, to Canada for medical treatment before he could complete a deposition in one of the cases.

Manly and the other plaintiffs' attorneys had planned to call Urell as a witness because he had handled allegations of abuse against the diocese. Attorneys for the diocese and Urell, on the other hand, maintained that he suffered from an acute anxiety disorder that prevented him from testifying. The judge had begun contempt proceedings against the bishop last month, but then postponed the hearing until Dec. 3.On Nov. 20, meanwhile, the two sides reached a settlement agreement in which the diocese paid the plaintiffs nearly $7 million. It was not until Wednesday that attorneys announced that the contempt citation had been dropped.

"Removal of the citation was not a prerequisite for settlement," the diocese insisted in a statement. "Diocesan legal counsel were fully prepared to respond to [the] attempt to besmirch Bishop Brown's character. . . ."Manly's office shot back a statement of its own. "This is simply untrue," it said. "The victims wish to express shock and disbelief that Bishop Tod Brown . . . would attempt to mislead the public once again. . . ."At least one person, Brown himself, was apparently expressing relief. "Our faith is in large measure founded on the concept of forgiveness," he said in the diocesan statement.

"The recent settlements are but one measure of our sincere regret for the events of the past. "Diocese spokesman Ryan Lilyengren added: "We are pleased that all this is over and behind us. Now the victims can move forward with their healing and the diocese can focus on its pastoral mission."

david.haldane@latimes.com

Monday, November 26, 2007

$50 million for Alaskan abuse plaintiffs

PAYING RESPECTS: Thomas Cheemuk visits the grave of his brother John, who killed himself in 1999, in a cemetery overlooking the Alaska village of St. Michael in February.

By William Lobdell and Stuart Silverstein
Los Angeles Times Staff Writers


The Jesuit order of the Roman Catholic Church has agreed to pay $50 million to 110 Eskimos to settle claims of sexual abuse by priests and missionaries in some of the world's most remote villages.

Attorneys for the plaintiffs announced the settlement Sunday, calling it a record payout by a Catholic religious order. However, officials for the Jesuits -- formally called the Society of Jesus -- said there were "still many issues that need to be finalized."

"We are disappointed by today's actions by the plaintiff's attorneys, which we see as premature and detrimental to the work of healing about which we are all concerned," said John D. Whitney, the provincial superior of Society of Jesus, Oregon Province, in a written statement.

E-mail between the Jesuits' and victims' attorneys indicated a deal was in place, though some details needed to be worked out.

"This e-mail will confirm that a settlement has been reached," wrote Richard K. Hansen, attorney for the Jesuits, to the Eskimos' lead attorney, Ken Roosa, on Friday. "The settlement calls for $50 million to be paid to the plaintiffs/claimants in exchange for releases of all claims against the Jesuit defendants."

The settlement does not require the order to admit fault, Roosa said. None of the priests was ever criminally charged.

A dozen priests and three missionaries were accused of sexually abusing Eskimo children in 15 villages and Nome from 1961 to 1987. The flood of allegations led to accusations that the Eskimo communities were a dumping ground for abusive priests and lay workers affiliated with the Jesuit order, which supplied bishops, priests and lay missionaries to the Fairbanks diocese.

Jesuit officials have denied transferring molesting priests to Alaska, saying that it was a prestigious assignment for the most courageous and faithful. In Jesuit fundraising literature, Eskimo villages were called "the world's most difficult mission field."

Many plaintiffs said their once devoutly Catholic villages -- cut off from the world and without law enforcement -- offered a perfect setting for a molesting priest. In 2005, The Times published a story about Joseph Lundowski, a Jesuit deacon who allegedly sexually abused nearly every boy in two small villages on St. Michael Island between 1968 and 1975.

Lundowski's accusers -- now in their 40s and 50s -- said the abuse led to alcoholism, violence, emotional problems and suicide attempts. They kept their secret -- not even talking about it among themselves -- until the Catholic Church sex scandal erupted in 2002.

That year, Roosa filed the first civil suit against the Jesuits and the Diocese of Fairbanks. The cases against the diocese are still pending.

Roosa said he spent Sunday on the phone, relaying the news of the settlement to his clients who were scattered across western Alaska: "I'm tired but I'm able to call clients today with good news."

This year, the Archdiocese of Los Angeles paid $660 million to settle with 508 claimants, and the Diocese of San Diego paid $198 million to settle with 144 alleged victims.

In Orange County, the Diocese of Orange two years ago paid out $100 million to 90 people who alleged they were victims of clergy sexual abuse.

In Alaska, the average payout of $554,000 was far below those in Southern California, but comparisons can't yet be made because the Fairbanks diocese hasn't agreed to a settlement.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Fr. Chris Heath is proud to not be "green"

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket A reader sent in this link of Fr. Chris Heath's new car.

"No I'm not "green" I just wanted to save some money". Amen brother, I hear ya!

Taken directly from the OC Dioceses handbook on it's policy regarding handling sex abuse cases. No, we aren't guilty, we just wanted to save some money on litigation.

Shouldn't the OC mascot, Monsignor John Urell, be returning soon? Please come home for Christmas, John.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Get thee to a nunnery



MILWAUKEE — A 79-year-old Roman Catholic nun pleaded no contest Monday to two counts of indecent behavior with a child for alleged sexual encounters with two male students at a church convent and school where she was principal during the 1960s.

The nun, Norma Giannini, and her attorney left the courthouse without comment after entering the pleas in Milwaukee County Circuit Court.

Giannini faces a maximum 10 years on each count when sentenced Feb. 1.

According to the criminal complaint, the two men told authorities they had dozens of sexual encounters with Giannini, including intercourse, while attending St. Patrick's School.

One man said the nun told him in 1965, when he was 13, to open the buttons of her habit, but he was shaking so badly he could not do so. He said she then unbuttoned her clothing and had him touch her breasts, the complaint said.

The first incident was followed by 60 to 80 others, including two involving sexual intercourse, it said.

The other man said he had sexual contact with the nun more than 100 times, beginning when he was in seventh grade. At least one incident involved sexual intercourse, the complaint said.

Giannini went on to work in Illinois from 1970 to 1994.

Sister Betty Smith, regional president for the Sisters of Mercy in Chicago, has said the nun received extensive counseling at a St. Louis treatment facility after the order "learned of the situation" during the 1990s.

Giannini, listed in online court records as living in Oak Lawn, Ill., has been closely monitored and separated from minors since then, Smith said. The nun has been retired from active work for five years because of failing health, she said.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Catholic priests past compels some members to renounce the church

By Meera Pal, STAFF WRITER

PLEASANTON — After a lifetime as a devout Catholic, Theresa Aimar is renouncing the church.
Aimar and her husband made the difficult decision to leave their faith after learning the Rev. Padraig Greene, the pastor-in-waiting at St. Augustine Catholic Church in Pleasanton, was arrested several years ago on lewdness allegations.

Greene, who will be named parish priest for the Catholic Community of Pleasanton, still has the support of the Rev. Dan Danielson and Bishop Allen Vigneron of the Diocese of Oakland.

Shocked, angry and feeling betrayed, Aimar said she felt sick to her stomach upon hearing of the 1999 incident in which Greene was arrested on suspicion of committing a lewd act in a public restroom at an Oakland hills park.

For Aimar, it brought back memories of her brothers childhood abuse by a Catholic priest.

We will still be Christians, but the Catholic priests have lost all credibility with us and, unfortunately, all respect, she said.

While Danielson is saddened by news that a family has left the parish, he said most of the 5,000 parishioners still support Greene and understand the concept of forgiveness.

(Greene) did something wrong, but he has atoned for it and gone on, he said.

Danielson also said he has told Greene not to talk to the media about this controversy.

Joey Piscitelli, director of the Northern California chapterof Survival Network of Those Abused by Priests, disagrees. He handed out fliers Sunday warning parishioners of Greene's past — something he said the church should have done.
"Whether or not he was convicted is not the issue," Piscitelli said. "The issue is that he makes poor choices and he's lucky he wasn't convicted. However, his behavior is a problem for kids."

Later this week, Danielson will issue a statement about "what really happened" in 1999. He said Greene was never convicted, nor were any children involved in the incident. Danielson said he considers Piscitelli's fliers misleading and inaccurate.

"If it was a present danger he would not be here in the first place ... If there was a history of being with children, he wouldn't be serving as a priest anywhere," Danielson said.

According to an Oakland Police report, an undercover officer investigating complaints of sex in the rest rooms at the North Oakland Regional Sports Center on Broadway said he saw Greene engaging in a sex act by himself.

Greene spent two days in custody and charges were eventually dismissed by the Alameda County District Attorney after he agreed to undergo sexual counseling at St. Michael's Center in St. Louis. St. Michael's Center, run by the Servants of the Paraclete, a Catholic religious order, treats priests, nuns and brothers who suffer from alcoholism, depression and other disorders.

"History has proved to us in California (that) priests who go to sexual therapy most often are repeat offenders," Piscitelli said.

That the church still plans to name Greene pastor of the Pleasanton congregations spotlights what Piscitelli considers an ongoing problem with the Catholic hierarchy.

"This is what got the Catholic Church in trouble," Piscitelli said. "This attitude that a man who has committed a sexual offense is fine to go back and oversee a ministry."

But the past is the past, said parishioner Michael Gallagher. The chairman of the pastor transitional team said over the past five years, Greene has done great work in Pleasanton.

"He has a very humble heart and is very caring," said Gallagher, who also believes the anti-Greene fliers inaccurate. "The incident took place in 1999 ... and he is still being put through the wringer."

Aimar, on the other hand, said the church needs to stop sweeping allegations of sexual misconduct under the rug.

"If my mother had had a flier like this one, she may have not let the pastor pull my brother out of his faith formation class to see how well he knew his Rosary," Aimar said.


Meera Pal covers Pleasanton. Reach her at 925-847-2120 or mpal@bayareanewsgroup.com. Staff writer Scott Marshall contributed to this story.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

John Urell fan clubs popping up all over


Last night a SJ photographer captured on film a vigil for a Catholic priest from Orange County, John Urell.

As the heads of the online fanclubs and myspace maintainers planned a picket at the boarder, local chapters made signs and lit candles.

Oh Toronto, let my people go.



Monsigner John Urell could be planning this guy's going away party.


By David Haldane, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
November 10, 2007
A Stanton pastor about to go on trial on charges of having unlawful sex with a 16-year-old parishioner has been rearrested on suspicion of violating a court protective order by seeing her twice while out on bail, authorities said Friday.

Ronald Hernandez Tova, 57, is accused of meeting the girl, now 17, at a bus stop in July and in a church parking lot earlier this week, said Drew Haughton, a deputy district attorney prosecuting the case.

"It's pretty outrageous conduct," Haughton said. "He continues to show complete disregard for the authority of law."

Tova, a pastor at Shadow of the Almighty church, is scheduled to begin trial Dec. 24 on suspicion of having unlawful sex with the girl on multiple occasions, including his church office, between Aug. 1 and Dec. 31, 2006. He was released in October of last year after posting $100,000 bail.

In July, Haughton said, a friend of the victim's mother saw Tova, who is married, and the girl at a bus stop. She told police, who put him under surveillance. On Tuesday, authorities said, officers followed Tova to a church parking lot in Montclair, where he allegedly met the girl and drove her home.

Authorities said they have no evidence of any new sexual contact between the girl and Tova, who was arrested at the scene. On Friday, authorities charged him with violating the court order, a misdemeanor, and raised his bail to $750,000.

If convicted of all the charges, Tova would face nearly six years in jail.

david.haldane@latimes.com

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Are your brothels full oh babylon with merry middlemen?

LONDON (Reuters) - A Roman Catholic bishop in the southern English port city of Portsmouth is backing a campaign to legalize brothels without in any way condoning them.

The Right Reverend Crispian Hollis supported the local branch of the Women's Institute which wants to license brothels.

"If you are going to take a pragmatic view and say prostitution happens, I think there is a need to make sure it's as well regulated as possible for the health of people involved and for the safety of the ladies themselves," Hollis said.

"That's not to say I approve of prostitution in any way. I would be very much happier if there was no prostitution in Portsmouth," he told The Portsmouth News.

"But it's going to be there whatever we do and it has been from time immemorial. So I think that is something we have to be realistic about."

His comments won praise from Rachel Frost, from the International Union for Sex Workers.

"The bishop should be commended for having the guts to come out and say that," she said.

Catholic Priest Stalks Conan O'Brian

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket NOVEMBER 8–A Boston Catholic priest was arrested last week for stalking Conan O’Brien over a 14-month-period. According to New York police, Rev. David Ajemian, 46, was nabbed November 2 outside the NBC studios in Rockefeller Center as he tried to enter the building for a taping of O’Brien’s late-night talk show. A criminal complaint filed against Ajemian charges that the priest sent O’Brien threatening notes written on his parish’s letterhead and contacted the parents of the 44-year-old comedian, who grew up in Brookline, a Boston suburb. In his notes to O’Brien, Ajemian allegedly referred to himself as “your priest stalker,” and when he was denied entry to a taping, Ajemian wrote, “Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans?” In his bizarre letters, Ajemian refers to John McEnroe as his “childhood nemesis,” claiming that the tennis star once assaulted him while they were seventh grade classmates at a Manhattan private school. Ajemian added that he “once went after” McEnroe and was “still waiting for his confession as well.” Ajemian, who is facing aggravated stalking and harassment counts, allegedly began contacting O’Brien last September. He is currently being held on Rikers Island and, if convicted, faces up to a year in jail.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Filed Under: Who Would Jesus Shoot


Oh for pete's sake people...

A Roman Catholic priest who smashed a wine bottle over a woman's head in a church office attack was sentenced Thursday to four to 12 years in state prison.

The Rev. George Chaanine, 53, had pleaded guilty Sept. 20 to felony battery with a deadly weapon and faced a possible two to 15 years in prison in a plea deal that avoided trial. Prosecutors dropped other charges, including attempted murder, sexual assault and kidnapping, that could have resulted in a sentence of life in prison with parole.

The duration of his sentence hinges on whether he is approved for parole.In court Thursday, Chaanine denied he sexually assaulted the woman and offered an apology and a rambling statement about his feelings for her before he was led from the courtroom in handcuffs, court information officer Michael Sommermeyer said."He loved her," Chaanine's court-appointed lawyer, Jeff Banks, said later. "His emotions got the better of him. It was the biggest mistake of his life, and he's going to have to come to grips with it."

The woman, then 54, said Chaanine hit her in the head with a wine bottle, stomped on her hand, groped her and choked her until she began praying Jan. 26.She said he suddenly stopped and fled.Chaanine was arrested almost a week later near Phoenix.The woman was treated for a broken hand and a gash on the head, authorities said.

The victim and her adult daughter gave long statements about the effect the attack had on them. The victim told Clark County District Court Judge Michelle Leavitt that the attack caused her to lose her faith in the church and that she didn't want to live anymore. She sang in the Our Lady of Las Vegas Catholic Church choir and had been hired by Chaanine as the parish event coordinator. Both sides have said Chaanine's relationship with the woman was more than priest and parishioner. The woman testified at Chaanine's preliminary hearing that he gave her money to help pay her bills and mortgage and treated her to lunch daily. But she said they were not romantically involved. The church did not pay for his defense. Bishop Joseph Pepe, the head of the Las Vegas Diocese, issued a statement saying Chaanine remained suspended from his "priestly ministry."

It's fun to stay at the YMCA



oh the humanity...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Ask The Smoking Jesus

Jesus, why is California burning to the ground?


Answer: I'm surprised that California hasn't voted to ban fires from smoking outdoors yet.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Babylon is Burning

So I hear Southern California is on fire. Performed by the Brothers Rut. True prophets.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Saturday, October 6, 2007

It's a wicked little town

thank you Tommy Gnosis

Good news for Catholic stoners



Pope Benedict XVI has reviewed the annulment practices of the Vatican judges. He has warned them to stop being so willing to annul Catholic marriages.

The Pope ordered the clampdown after figures showed that the church’s appeals court allowed 69 annulments in 2005 for reasons which included husbands being too attached to their mothers.

The court, known as the Sacra Rota, considers petitions from couples claiming their marriages were never truly valid.

Apart from the get-out clause for women married to “mummy’s boys”, an “inability to assume conjugal obligations”, usually due to a childhood trauma, appears among the successful reasons for annulment in 2005, as do alcoholism, use of cannabis, infidelity and a serious lack of “moderation in judgment” by a partner.

Whether or not cannabis use will be accepted as a justification for future annulments has not been announced.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Leonard Cohen: Hallelujah

final iPod suggestion.. oh, and let heaven and nature sing.

Would someone tell John Urell he can come home now

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketWHO IS LAUGHING NOW !!!

Happy days are here again for a certain John Urell.

AP NEWSWIRE: SANTA ANA, Oct. 5, 2007 - The Diocese of Orange said late Friday it has settled four clergy abuse cases, including a case that had threatened to expose the bishop to a contempt of court hearing next week.

"The settlement of these civil cases represents the moral obligation for the church for such behavior by adults in positions of responsibility," Bishop Tod D. Brown said in a statement.

Deliver Us From Evil

Ask The Smoking Jesus

Who would Jesus shoot?


Answer:

Not much of a hunter, more of a gatherer.

(WTB) What's The Buzz: tell me whats a happenin'

Since folks have been asking about it for so long, My friend John Cameron has put the answer to song. Thank you brother John.

Ask The Smoking Jesus

This sent in by Jennifer-


Answer:

To quote Bishop Tod Brown's ex-PR man... "If we got rid of all the homosexuals, there would be no one left to run the church."

To quote Kurt Cobain - "everyone is gay"


So, Song number two for John Urell's iPod is :

ALL APOLOGIES

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Worried about Sister Amy

I've been texting you all day but you wont return my call.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Craigslist is for getting chores done

The Smoking Jesus cannot condone such activity on Craigslist.

"Craig Newmark, who started craigslist in San Francisco in 1995, has said the site aims to make it easier for people to get everyday chores done."

3 arrests in prostitution case
Women accused of using Craigslist.org to lure customers to their Irvine apartment.
By SONYA SMITH
THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER


IRVINE – Three women were arrested Tuesday on suspicion that they set up a prostitution ring via Craigslist.org, and advertised sex for $160 on the Web site, according to the Orange County District Attorney’s Office.